Cranky About People Who Talk About Stuff I Don't Care About

Do you enjoy it when you are subjected to long monologues or a never-ending series of stories about things that don't interest you?  

Like, for example, if you aren't a car person and you are at dinner with a car enthusiast who will ONLY talk about racing his car.  

Or if you know someone who can ONLY talk about funny things he/she said (in their mind) at some other point in time.  

Or a major Trekkie who recites lines from Star Trek at every opportunity.  

Or if you know someone who seems to ONLY talk about their kids.  

I don't enjoy this.  I can tolerate it if I absolutely have to but I hate it like poison.  

Especially the last one.  As you may know I am not a huge fan of children in general.  I do like some children whom I have deemed to be "sweet" and "well behaved" or "smart".  I also like kids who don't scream or cry if I am forced to pick them up or interact with them.  I usually like my friends' children.  I like Stephanie's son Cash. Or at least I did until he turned 3 and started being totally unpredictable and throwing random tantrums.  I will probably start liking him again when he about 18 at the rate he is going.  But I digress.

If I don't know your kids and you know I am not interested in kids, why would you talk incessantly about the one topic I do not care about?  I love my dogs but I don't carry on about them to people who aren't "dog people".  

People whose only topics of conversation revolve around their kids are pretty much just telling me stories about people I don't know. And unless the person you are telling stories about is a really interesting stranger (like Brad Pitt, Ronald Reagan, the Pope, or Thurgood Marshall) you are boring me.  

Here are some monologue/conversation killing topics that are favored by people who live through their kids:

1. Funny things my kids did yesterday.

2. Funny things my kids did/ate/puked up/peed on as a baby.

3. Clever things my kids said in public.

4. Cool things my kids know how to do (like read or count to 4).

5. My kids future aspirations. 

6. Things my kids destroyed in my house.

7. My kid is smarter than his teacher and let me give you 10 examples to prove it.

8. My kids unusual food allergies.

9. Why I am a great parent even though my kid is in juvie for a "mistake".

10. Hey did I tell you about how my kid can order his/her own food in a restaurant now?

Sometimes when I am out to dinner with a conversational offender (which is pretty much how I think of this issue) I feel like I am being held hostage and it makes me cranky. And have you ever noticed that people who force you listen to their stories about things you don't care about are ALWAYS long-talkers?? They take every story and make it 10X as long as it should.  I hate that too.

If you are reading this and you say to yourself, "Hey, I wonder if I ever do that?" then you probably do and you should take this as a wake up call to try to engage other people in conversations rather than just torturing them with your ramblings about uninteresting shit.

The end.